One Little Bean

Poor ol' me is drained and has no writing skill left--it's been sucked dry by a guest list and a resume. Ugh.

Yes, I'm attempting the following four wonders simultaneously:

-getting married in early February
-Christmas shopping
-finding a new job
-having a baby in July

Wonders are growing in my womb, Tom popped the question... he was glowing, and even more so when I said yes. :) And he could have lit up the entire neighbourhood when he found out he's going to be a daddy.

We told his folks last weekend and my folks this past weekend. All grandparents are pretty excited.

Tom actually asked my parents for my hand in marriage, and my dad's eyes welled up. Tom couldn't stop grinning the entire weekend, and my dad got the biggest kick out of that. No bf or what have you of mine has ever tried to talk to or get to know my dad. Tom is amazing. He and my dad get along well, have conversations about cars and other stuff that I am programmed to tune out, he brings my mom flowers, gives her big hugs, my brothers adore him...

Life couldn't be better.

Actually, it might be if everything but Cheetos didn't make me feel like puking.

Each day, I put my hand out to where I think you are and hope you are okay.

Currently craving: olives and jell-o
Currently eating: my craving

Hey Little Bean,

So I've known about you for 7 days now. I went to the walk-in clinic last Wednesday to get my abdominal pains and nausea checked out, and ended up peeing in a cup.

I left that clinic with Tom (your dad) 10 minutes later with the image of 2 positive pregnancy test strips filling my head. In hindsight, I should have brought Tom in from the waiting room to see the tests. I felt so shy, once we were out on the street, walking through the dark to Safeway to pick up a chicken.

I didn't know how to tell him, how to start, what to say--I was wondering what he would think, I felt a little embarrassed that I couldn't do anything more than stand there and smile. Your dad is a good man; he hugged me and held my face in his hands and asked me so gently what it was. I told him "It looks like I might be pregnant."

Seeing the look on his face when I told him that, I fell in love with him even more. He was so happy he was giddy. He told me he felt a shaky feeling in his gut, but he was so excited. He still is. The idea that he is going to be a dad is mind-blowing to him--I guess we'd both kind of thought he'd not be able to father children. I'm so glad he can. I'm glad you are here.

The doctor told me to not eat dairy and meat for a few days and take another test after those few days had passed. I followed her directions, and on Friday night I took a home pregnancy test. It didn't take much time at all for that blue line to show. I didn't let your dad in the bathroom with me while I took the test, and he didn't argue. I let him in once I saw the results appearing, and that the results were good. He is so proud. He's proud of himself, and proud of you. He giggles now and then out of the blue, when the thought that he is going to be a dad pops into his head. Or he says to me, "I'm going to be a dad!" and his excitement is totally contagious.

The doctor also told me that the pains could be from the tendons stretching and everything down there getting ready to help you grow. But I feel a bit nervous, a bit worried. I want everything to go well--and I have no medical condition that would prevent you from being a healthy baby. But these pains are still coming and going and I'd really like an ultra sound to know that this isn't an ectopic pregnancy. Maybe I shouldn't tell you my fears out right like this, but I am anyway. I haven't even told my parents (your grandparents!) yet... we are going to drive down to Oregon this Friday night and tell them. Tom is going to ask my parents for my hand in marriage before we tell them.

We are engaged, and I feel very lucky to have someone as devoted and loving and kind and hard working as your dad is. And he's so darn proud to be a father that it fills me with bouncy joy just to watch and listen to him.

His parents (your other grandparents) took the news very well. You will be their first grandchild. You will be my parents first grandchild, too! And our first child of course! That's a lot of firsts!

I called my friend Dominique tonight and told her because she just gave birth to Annabelle last month and I wanted to ask her if she had pains like these ones. She remembered the area being tense, and having a lot of attention on it, but she was too busy puking to notice any abdominal pains that she remembers. I'm glad I'm not so nauseous that I'm puking!

So I called the midwives that she used, and left them a message. I'm hoping I'll hear back from them before the weekend. I really want to know that everything is okay before I tell my parents. But that might not be possible. Doctors seem to be playing hard to get; your dad tried to get an appointment with a doctor his parent's friend used, but that doctor is not taking any new patients. But we might still wangle our way in, especially since your grandma Ola (Tom's mom) says that if they say no, she's going to have something to say to them, and she said that she's going to "take care of it". Sounds like she means business!

I haven't told anyone at work yet that I'm engaged and pregnant--mostly because I am trying not to tell anyone till I tell my parents and my brothers. And even then, since the president smokes in the office (which is illegal but he's from Monaco so I guess he thinks he can do it) I might have to leave, because I refuse to inhale second hand smoke while I'm pregnant. That is just stupid. Two other women in my office have worked there throughout their pregnancies and I don't see how they could have done it. I guess it is a matter of not "rocking the boat", but I don't agree. People should stand up for themselves more. I guess I might be rocking the boat soon.

Love,
Krista (your mom)

p.s. I guess I should sign this "Mom" but Mom to me is still my mom, not me! Times are changing...